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Lilianna set to box Mike Tyson
Newborn girl ready to throw down, manager says DENVER -- In a move that surprised the sports industry, controversial boxer Mike Tyson challenged Lilianna Ramirez Tedesco today to a boxing match at Madison Square Garden. Tyson made the announcement at a press conference filled with bravado and tough-guy posturing. As he pounded his gloved hands together, the heavy-weight boxer said he'd start training immediately to face the 4-month-old baby girl. 
Although boxing experts were puzzled by Tyson's choice, they agreed the Tedesco baby could give Tyson a run for his money with her quick foot work and wicked left jab.Known in boxing circles as Boom Boom Lili, the young boxer would crawl circles around Tyson, said her manager, Paul Tedesco. "Tyson's not ready for Lili's one-two burp attack," Paul said. "Hell, I wasn't ready for that either." Reached for comment at her Denver home, Lilianna yawned and went back to sleep. Around the Nation: Cousin Anna Rocks Hollywood
LOS ANGELES -- Cousin Anna in the hizzzouse, Hollywood insiders reported today.Anna Gronbeck Tedesco has moved to Hollywood to attend comedy school, and her new cadre of hip California groupies announced in a press release that, like, Oh my God! ya'all better watchout cuz she's da bomb. Anna is taking classes and performing at the Groundlings Theater, where graduates often move on to big-name venues like Saturday Night Live. Anna's fan club described her as a talented young artist who is a natural fit at the school, and added with three snaps and a circle that girlfriend got it going on. "I guess that's a good thing," Anna said. Crime rate dropping in Tedesco family
WASHINGTON -- U.S. Attorney General John Aschcroft announced today a dramatic decrease in crimes committed by Tedesco family members."The nation is a safer place now that the Tedesco children have grown up," Ashcroft said at a press conference. "John, Joe, Paul and Mike have all managed to stay out of jail, and intra-family violence has dropped to record lows now that few siblings live in the same city." Ashcroft attributed the crime drop to tougher RICO statutes. However, the Attorney General admitted that authorities haven't been able to get a narc into Joe and Shawn's house. "Lord only knows what happens in that den of hippies," Ashcroft said. Dad to visit San Antonio in AprilSons' itinerary reveals hedonistic lifestyle, experts say
SAN ANTONIO -- Rick Tedesco's upcoming visit to San Antonio has sparked a frenzy of planning by his two oldest sons that focuses on wine, booze and women, experts revealed today.Tedesco's sons, John and Joe, compiled a list of fun things to do that overwhelmingly relies on visits to bars with lots of chicks, offering a disturbing look at a decadent lifestyle, according to clinical psychiatrists who reviewed the plans for the Tedesco Times. "These guys were raised Catholic?" asked Dr. Sebastian Winklestien, who appeared shocked by the classified plans. "Maybe it's time to visit a confessional." Plans call for trips to swank Martinis bars, ultra-hip cigar joints, down-and-out holes in the wall, and, according to Joe, "golf at this one course where the beer chick is hot." The Tedesco boys also look forward to the possibility that Cousin John will drive in from Austin, which could increase the party potential exponentially. |
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